Sometimes 

I’d be looking for something

To complete me

And I thought I had found it

With infatuation

And with drugs

Sometimes I’d be wanting something faster

And more beautiful

Sometimes I wanted forever

To feel sparks in my fingertips

And a bite in my teeth

A kiss on my lips

The wind in my hair

Biking down the hill

Flying

And sometimes I did fly for a little while

Sometimes I thought if I was painted in glitter

I’d shine brighter than the sun itself

But sometimes it got too hot

Trying to shine so bright all the time

Sometimes I’d run out of breath

Running for so long

Sometimes I’d lose my mind

And my body

And my cellphone

And my keys

Sometimes I’d lose my sanity

And my love

So sometimes I’d close my eyes

And pray

With my knees on the floor

To go back in time

Or jump ahead a few squares

Haven’t I sacrificed?

Haven’t I paid?

Haven’t I starved?

And cried?

And fucking apologized?

Sometimes I find myself wondering why

Or what if

Before remembering what is

Remembering that my hands are big enough

To hold myself up

To survive

To stop pulling

And let go of the rope

So it won’t hurt as much

That sometimes things come

In their own time

And that this time

I’ll move against the wind

I’ll keep walking uphill

Because I can

And I also know

That sometimes I’ll feel sad

Or remember shining bright

But not forget how the brightness burned my skin

And hurt my eyes

Before blinding me

Now I shield my eyes

Even when it rains

And I don’t mind the rain

Because it washes me

Clean

Sometimes I just say thank you

Because that’s all I need to say