what was that musty smell rainwater dead mice why did we keep the rusted old car in the garage and the newer one outside I want to know what I was wearing my flannel pjs my sweatpants a goddamn tutu who stirred I said who stirred did the wooden steps creak as I made my way down were the car keys jangling in my pocket as I crept honestly can you look me straight in the eye and tell me that no one heard those jangling keys what made me slip the missing tread and had I even taken time to write a note a list of who gets what lazy I mean lazy lazy with a capital L why was the vinyl seat so cold when I first climbed in was it winter was it 2:00 am could I see my breath and was that freakin’ TV still yammering up there did I sit for a while on the cold seat before turning the engine on you mean to tell me no one upstairs heard the rumble of that engine who was home anyway I want to know who was home and why did the thought of my cat stalking finches make me bawl was it a school night was my homework done (that’s a joke!) why can I still see that purple God’s-eye dangling from the rearview mirror did I switch off the engine after ten minutes or five am I making all this up can you hear me am I deaf am I speaking in tongues are my lips moving am I stuttering do you think I’m nuts and those thick nauseating fumes was I dizzy did I puke what made me stop are you serious not one person upstairs heard the thunder through those drafty floors and were the creepy brown spiders watching me I coughed right?