You said it like a gift
I’m into big girls you know
You expected a thank you
And I was two free drinks in
So instead of a fuck you
I smiled politely and thought to myself
How nice that my body is not an issue for you.

I honestly should have known better
With your tailored suit and too white smile
How you were upset when I paid for my first drink
How you insisted that I have more
I shouldn’t have been surprised to find out that you were
God’s Gift to Big Women.

You touched my waist when you said it
Who gave you permission to do that?
You touched my hip when you said it
I’m into big women you know
So it’s killing me that you’re losing weight.
I should’ve pulled away from your touch
Gotten up and left
But I just smiled and took one more sip and crossed my thick thighs
An appletini is not something I’ll let go to waste.

You were closing the tab while I stood outside
And thank God for New York air
And the way the smell of garbage can sober you up
How a yellow cab will remind you that you can leave.

You came outside and I said
I’d just like you to know that I get looks and double takes
That you are the third date I’ve been on this week
That you are a face I will forget
That I love how I look so much it borders on narcissism
That at one point I would’ve gone to the next bar with you
I would have let you feel me up in the back seat of a cab
Just to know that someone’s hands wanted to be on me
You’re into big women? Congratulations.
The thing is, though, I am too big for you.
I am a HUGE woman.
I am GIGANTIC. EPIC. ENORMOUS.
MASSIVE. COLOSSAL. IMMENSE. SUBSTANTIAL.

But I didn’t say that.
I said I have a headache.
And I’d like to go home now.